Get Over Your Feelings, Men. How Shame Can Signal Entrepreneurial Progress for Personal Development

I am so embarrassed with myself.

Looking back at the work I thought I checked off last month is so much worse than I thought, it has made me feel kinda ashamed of it.

As a man and an entrepreneur on his personal development journey this actually a good thing. I welcome that feeling of shame, because it means things have shifted.

It’s a lead signal that I’ve grown and gotten so much better than I was before…

In fact, I’ve grown so much that that quality of work I do today is so vastly superior that it’s funny to consider that when objectively looking at this feeling that under normal circumstances is considered “bad”, it’s actually quite the opposite.

This makes me reconsider my understanding of the feeling of shame.

This is also makes me reconsider and question this modern day compulsion to be obsessed with ones feelings.

I do not prescribe to the prevailing culture of exalting feelings, specifically in men… this is not the way.

In a man, especially in a leader and an entrepreneur, your capacity to make sound decisions and be effective at doing is directly tied to how well you can emotionally handle the pressure.

Staying cool and level-headed during difficult moments is a critical skill to develop.

“Feelings be damned, I need to get this done!”

The real skill lies in channeling your feelings and use them as fuel you to take bolder action more decisively, and to do more for a longer period of time. You work WITH your emotions in a way that works for you to get better outcomes.

Men who cannot manage their emotions and fly off the handle regularly, or are emotionally crushed whenever something challenging happens, are weak and ineffective.

I know this from experience as I was once very depressed and very angry. It wasn’t effective, didn’t produce good outcomes, and I was a drag to be around.

A man who cannot do anything until he feels just right about it beforehand… well, that’s a slow, confusing, tumultuous and inefficient way to live.

Perfect conditions never arise. You just have to do the thing now.

Furthermore, your feelings are blasted all over the spectrum when you do big work that you’ve never done before.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had to ignore how I felt (which was all kinds of awful by the way) when I was doing something totally new and challenging for the first time.

I literally had to become acclimated to being able to deal with intense emotional discomfort and dysregulation that arose when I did something new and hard, especially for a long stretch of time.

Anyone who’s built a business and sucked at it for a long time before it started to work, knows what I’m taking about.

Or for those of you who’ve sat in Ayahuasca ceremony and experienced the dark-night-of-the-soul part of the journey, knows that you have to go into the darkness to experience a new revelation and understanding.

The pain of those kinds of feelings is the cost you must pay if you want the results that come from transcending them.

Being addicted to your feelings and staying in your comfort zone is a guaranteed way to never grow and remain stuck. I shudder to think about this, never growing, knowing what I know now.

This moment, RIGHT NOW, IS the only time we have to use.

Everything else is the illusion.

Thinking “some day” usually means “not ever gonna”.

So your ability to take action only happens right now, because now is the enteral present moment that you have.

Ergo, sharpening you ability to take quick and decisive action In This Moment is essential if you’ve got big goals.

The more you do, the more you grow, and the easier it becomes to do even more.

So feelings needs to be disturbed if you are doing the unconventional, the new, the unique, and potentially… the game-changing.

Ripples in the water happen if you are swimming. You just gotta deal with it.

Men and our relationship with our feelings is uniquely a male thing. Men are calibrated to action.

If you’re a women who’s blood is starting to boil by hearing “men need to control our emotions”, okay, I understand.

But hear this: Emotional control is the cornerstone of be a potent man.

This is the truth, this is reality and this is how men stay sharp and become effective.

It’s not emotional suppression, it’s harnessing the power of emotions intelligently and creatively to fuel you to get things done.

The opposite of this is obsessing about how you feel, doing very little that new or different and ultimately losing touch with reality be being “me-me” focused.

The term “narcissist” is so freaking popular today… It’s because men have been taught to coddle their feelings waaaaay too much these days. The long term effects is that it warps us mentally, deflates our masculinity. Not good outcomes.

Stoicism and emotional control exists for a reason.

Being hyper-emotional and at the whim of our feelings all-of-the-time for men, quite frankly, welcomes the demons in. I’ve been there… seen others there… a bad way to live.

And to end this:

Feel what you feel, and still do what is required.

Embrace the uncertainty of new growth and lean in to the feelings and insecurities that arise when you do big and difficult things.

That is a sign you are at the edge of your capacity and are growing.

Keep going.

Keep growing.

Want a weekly dose of wisdom straight to your Inbox?

Join my mailing list and sign up for my weekly Wednesday Wellness newsletter with stress relief strategies, self-care tips, healthy food options, wellness tools and always some love ♡ to get you over that hump!

just one more thing...

To get on The Golden Letter every Saturday, fill in your name and email below.